1.
"You work for Celestial Being?"
"Worked for," Sumeragi clarified. "And yes, I did."
"So, all this time, I was telling you..." Billy had a horrible sinking feeling in his gut.
"I wasn't using you! I promise! I'm really sorry."
"Why don't you work for them anymore? And why are you telling me this?"
Sumeragi took a deep breath. "When I was chosen for Celestial Being, I believed that we really were working for the eradication of war. However, my superiors had ideas of their own. Veda, the supercomputer from which we received our orders, was tampered with. Two of Celestial Being's agents turned on us and attacked my crew. After that... there weren't many of us that survived, but we decided we weren't going to take orders anymore. We still fight for the same reason, but we act independently from the rest of Celestial Being now. The Celestial Being that the public sees has been tearing itself apart from the inside for months now. I'm the leader of a rogue group."
"Leader, huh? I should have known... You always had it in you." Billy smiled. "You still haven't told me why you're letting all this out now."
"The thing is... I think we could use your talents. If you're willing. I know that you feel the same way about war that I do. I don't want you to use Union secrets against the Union. I want you to use your talents to help everyone." She looked at him, both expectant and nervous.
"And if I don't want to? Will you have me killed, now that I know about you?" He was surprisingly calm.
Sumeragi sucked in air through her teeth. "We don't do that. I promise you." Her gaze was defiant. "If you don't want to join us, I'll leave and you'll never hear from me again. In Celestial Being I am known under a codename. Any true information you try to use against me will only lead to a dead end. You'll never be able to find me, and you don't know anything about Celestial Being that isn't either common knowledge or can't be proven."
He met her steady gaze, and broke eye contact after a moment to look at the ground. "You're lucky, you know."
"Hmm?"
"Graham died last week. Now there's no one here that understands. They're all grunts, brainwashed into thinking they're doing the right thing. Graham believed he was doing the right thing, but not because someone told him it was right. He thought for himself and never let anyone make his decisions for him. I can't stand it anymore. They're all like cardboard dummies- they do what they're told, and as soon as the weather looks bad, they get soggy and crumple." She thought Billy sounded sad at first, but now he looked vengeful. "They don't deserve to pilot the Flags, or the GN-X. They don't respect it, and they don't respect the Union. We've reached the point in the war where people are joining because there is simply no one else to do it."
"... I'm sorry." Sumeragi laid a hand on his shoulder. He barely acknowledged it.
"Without him... these men have no soul." Billy's voice went from angry and fierce to tired and crushed. "I just want it to be over."
"So do we, Billy. So do we." She wrapped an arm around him as he leaned into her and sobbed into her chest.
"We all just want it to be over."
2.
They stepped out of the restaurant into a torrential downpour.
"Oh, and it was so nice when I got here," Sumeragi said, observing the scene from underneath a large overhang. She frowned. "I walked here from my hotel."
"Would you like me to drive you back?" Billy offered. "It's not a problem."
"Are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you..."
"Really, it's okay. Wait here, I'll go bring the car around." He darted off towards the parking garage, his coat held over his head.
She watched him go, feeling a little guilty. She had seen the weather forecast before coming to dinner. She shivered, thinking of her warm coat hanging on the rack in the hotel room. Ah, well, it'll be worth the sacrifice.
They arrived at the hotel five minutes and a u-turn later.
"Can you stay for a while? Or do you have to get back?" she asked.
Billy looked startled. She's asking me to her room. Seriously?! "No, I can stay." He pulled into a parking spot and wrapped his jacket around her as they walked to the building.
Her room was on the eighth floor. "I think I have some wine back in the room," she was saying as they rode the elevator up.
Of course she had wine.
She unlocked the door and held it open for him. It shut with a snick once they were both inside. Billy noticed that not only was there a bottle of wine on the table by the window, but there was a cooler by the dresser. If he guessed right, it was full of beer.
Sumeragi ducked into the bathroom and came out with two towels. She tossed one at Billy and began toweling her hair dry with the other. Raindrops had darkened little spots on her dress, and her neck and shoulders were slick with moisture. His eyes followed a drop of moisture as it traveled from her collarbone to her cleavage.
He patted at his damp suit while she expertly popped the cork on the wine bottle and began pouring it into two glasses. She handed one to him, but before he could take a sip she was completely downing hers.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
She nodded, setting the glass back down on the table. For a moment, he thought he saw her eyes well with tears. But she blinked, took a deep breath, smiled at him.
"It's just the state of the world. It's getting me down."
Billy thought of the recent terrorist attacks. He was certain that if any of her family had been victims, he would have heard about it. The list of casualties on the news was long, but he would have remembered hearing about that. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling helpless. He set his glass down on the table.
She reached over and placed her hand on his. "Please," she said. "Stay with me tonight?"
This is not happening, thought Billy. No, I bet she just wants me to keep her company. Sit around, talk to her. I can do that. It's okay, I wasn't really expecting her to-
His train of thought was cut off when she leaned in and kissed him. It was soft, teasing. She pulled away, but her hand still grasped his.
"I..." he floundered.
"Is that a yes?" She unbuttoned the jacket of his suit and slid it back off his shoulders.
"Oh, yes," he said, and she grabbed his tie and pulled him in for another kiss.
3.
Sumeragi stood under an umberella, the hems of her pant legs soaking through in the steady rain. It seemed so stereotypical, rain at a funeral. Like in a movie. It never actually happened.
It was raining today.
The funeral party was a mixture of military types and academics. She saw Billy's parents standing together near the plot. They'd been separated since Billy was sixteen, but as his mother cried, his father wrapped an arm around her and allowed her to sob into his shoulder.
The rest of the attendees had split into two distinct behaviour patterns. The airmen stood silent, morose, waiting for the appropriate opportunity to leave. They stared at the ground, or at the grave plot, or at the grey clouds, but they never made eye contact. The academics clustered in groups, huddling underneath little canopies of umberellas. They spoke quietly, but for extensive periods of time. No one wanted to be the first to leave, in case it was deemed impolite.
"You're that one he was always talking about," said a man, standing off to her right. She hadn't heard him approach. His damp blond hair curled around his face from under his black umberella. Like the other airmen, he chose to attend in full dress uniform. Billy wasn't military, but from them it was a sign of the utmost respect.
"I suppose I am." She didn't ask his name. It didn't matter.
"He really liked you, you know."
"I know," she said, feeling guilty. "He was a good man."
"I'm sure you have your reasons." She looked over at him, but he kept his gaze on the grey horizon.
I did, she thought. I didn't want him to throw his career away. I didn't want him to be labeled a terrorist. I didn't want him to do something he may regret, all because of me. I didn't want him to be a target. I didn't want him getting hurt, or killed... Hot tears ran down her cold cheeks. And now he's dead anyway. I couldn't protect him. Maybe if I had told him, I'd have at least had the chance to hold him, to be with him, the way I wanted to. The way he wanted to. We could have been happy, at least for a bit...
"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling. "I should have appreciated him more when I had the chance."
"Yeah," he said, turning to her. His eyes flashed angrily. "Yeah, you should have." He walked past her and headed towards one of the cars.
4.
"Okay, what's up?" Graham handed Billy a beer and popped the cap off his own, flopping down onto the couch with one arm draped over the back.
"I don't know what you mean," said Billy, sitting down on the edge of an armchair. He carefully pried the cap off his beer, but didn't drink it.
"You've been acting weird lately. Everyone's noticed it. Something's got you down. I thought if you relaxed a bit, took a break, you might feel better." Graham took a swig of his beer. "Now, I'm not going to pry into your personal life, but if you want to talk about it, I'm listening."
"It won't affect my work, I assure you." Billy stared at his beer, a little ashamed.
"I'm not just talking about your work. I'm worried about you." Billy was silent.
"If you don't want to talk, that's okay." Graham leaned forward. "But I can't play Uno by myself."
Billy suppressed a chuckle.
"Uno!" Billy yelled, slamming a card down.
"Dammit!" Graham cursed. He was halfway through his second beer and, unfortunately, still had three cards in his hand.
Billy curled his hand protectively around his one remaining card. He was the victor more often than not in Uno, but Graham had vowed he would even the score one of these nights. Alas, it was not this night.
After Billy won another round and Graham shuffled the cards, Billy sat staring at his lone empty beer bottle. Graham dealt the cards, but Billy didn't pick his up.
"It's a girl," he said. "I know it's going to sound stupid, but it's a girl."
Graham didn't miss a beat. "You like her?"
"Yeah," he said, softly. "Yeah, I really do."
Graham adjusted the cards in his hand. "But?"
Billy sighed. "We've known each other for years. I've liked her since we were in college. She still comes to visit, and we'll see each other every few months or so, but we've never been more than just friends. I know I should have given up on her by now, but lately, I really thought I had a chance." He didn't mention leaking classified information to her as having a hand in this. "I told you it sounded stupid."
"She blew you off?"
"That's the thing. She doesn't actually turn me down, but she doesn't take me up on anything more, either. She'll send me a message saying she'll be in town, we'll arrange to have dinner together. We sit and talk and I always think that it's going somewhere, and she always disappears as soon as we pay. She wears these low-cut dresses and the way she smiles at me... I think, you know, if she weren't interested in me, she wouldn't wear that, she wouldn't look at me that way. But whenever I say, hey, 'you want me to drive you to your hotel?' or, 'you want to come back to my place?' or, 'do you want to have lunch tomorrow?' she makes up some bullshit excuse about having something urgent to do. If it's that urgent, why did she agree to have dinner with me in the first place? Does she feel sorry for me? Does she like crushing my feelings like that?" He paused, panting. "You know what? I'm not gonna take it anymore! I'm tired of it!"
Graham listened patiently, his cards spread in his hand. "What are you going to do?"
This seemed to sap away some of Billy's energy. "I don't... know, actually. Maybe the next time she's in town, I'll just say 'sorry, I'm busy.' Or I'll ignore her. I could tell her I'm seeing someone else. But then she's still got the upper hand, because she'll know it's a lie."
"You don't have to be seeing someone else. You can tell her you're doing just fine on your own." Without mentioning it, they resumed playing Uno.
"But then that's no different than how it is now. She won't know that I've moved on."
"Why does she have to know?" Graham put a card down. "Isn't it enough that you know?"
That was a good question. "Maybe if she knows I've moved on, she won't think I'm so pathetic for going out to dinner with her. She'll know that I'm not doing it to try to get into her pants." He placed a card down on the stack. "Green."
"Is that why you were going to dinner with her before?" Graham thanked his lucky stars he had a green card in his hand. The color would have to change soon, it was his only green card.
"No. I mean... I was hoping it would be more than just dinner, but I'd have dinner with her anyways, even if it wasn't anything more." He put down a green five.
Graham lucked out again. He had a yellow five. "So, really... things would have happened the same way, even if you weren't attracted to her? Because she's your friend?"
"Well... yes." Billy put down a draw four card. "Green."
Goddammit. At least he drew two green cards. "So maybe she's not doing it to lead you on. Maybe she's doing it because you are her friend."
"But why would she act so..."
"Suggestive? Listen, girls like attention. They like knowing people are attracted to them, even if they're not actually interested in a relationship. Some girls even flirt without knowing it. It's like they honestly can't tell they're doing it." He was going to have to be careful. Billy was down to three cards.
"That's stupid. What if they flirt with the wrong person?" Billy put down a card. He kept his poker face on- his last two cards were the same color.
"They break hearts without even realising it." Graham looked up at Billy and smiled before smacking down a wild card. "Blue!"
Billy slammed down a card. "Uno!"
"Fuck!"
"You give up?" Billy asked with a smirk.
"Never." Graham flashed a wry grin.
The grin didn't last long, as Billy won again. Graham sighed, gathering the beer bottles off the kitchen table (he still hadn't finished his second beer) and took them to the counter. Billy followed with a half-eaten bowl of chips.
"Thanks," Billy said, placing the bowl of chips next to the microwave. He knew from experience that Graham would probably spend the next day munching from it. The man had trouble catching meals at a decent time, but he could never turn down a snack.
"It's just beer and Uno." Graham was nonchalant.
"You know what I mean."
Graham turned to him, leaning against the counter. "Anytime."
There was a long pause. They stared at each other, never breaking eye contact, as if searching for something.
They both moved at once. Their lips met, the kiss frantic at first, then slow and deliberate. Graham's fingers twined in Billy's hair. When they finally drew apart, they were panting softly.
Graham's voice was low and husky. "Should we move to the bedroom?"
Billy licked his lips slowly and nodded. "Yes."
"You know, when I first met you, I thought for sure you were gay." Graham lay on his back, sheets down to his hips. Billy was sprawled across his stomach, an arm draped over his waist and head resting on his abdomen.
"Really?" Billy asked. "It's the hair, isn't it?"
"'Fraid so."
"I didn't know you were gay."
"Bisexual, actually. Not that it makes a difference- it's been far too long since I had sex with anybody. You don't get a lot of offers for relationships when you love your job as much as I do."
"You are quite dedicated," Billy agreed.
"I believe the word they use behind my back is 'obsessed.'" Graham chuckled. Billy could feel it in his teeth.
"It must be lonely," Billy said. "So in all the years you've been here, you've never..."
"I can't have sex with my men," said Graham. "I can't even think of them that way. It's too weird."
"Ah." Billy was quiet for a moment. Then, "You don't think they... Darryl and Howard...?"
"No, Darryl's seeing Henry. Howard used to be married, but he and his wife separated a few years back."
"I see." After a long moment, Billy looked up at Graham. "You don't think she thought I was gay, do you?"
Graham didn't need to ask who he was talking about. "Nah, that wouldn't have stopped her," he said. "See, if a girl is really interested in you, even if she thinks you're gay, she'll still flirt with you."
"But... why?"
"I don't know. It's some girl-thing, I guess. Maybe they think that if they flirt enough, they'll be your 'exception.' The one girl you'll sleep with."
"Does that mean you're my 'exception'?"
"That's up to you," Graham said. "But I don't flirt with you shamelessly."
"Don't start now. I'll be terribly confused." He settled back down on Graham's stomach, lost in quiet contemplation.
Graham woke the next morning to the smells of breakfast. He threw the sheet off and dressed in pajama pants before shuffling out to the kitchen. When he got there, he found Billy armed with a frying pan and a spatula. On the counter was a plate stacked high with pancakes. Billy glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "Morning."
Graham ran his fingers through his hair.
"A brilliant mechanic, AND you cook? Why didn't I start sleeping with you earlier?"
5.
Sumeragi sighed. He did this every time. She couldn't tell if it was sweet or pathetic.
"It's not right," she told herself in the bathroom mirror. "Don't do this to him. Don't let him do this to himself." And every time, she found herself saying this. She told herself that it wasn't about the information. He was a friend, she liked getting together and reminiscing with him. Any information he passed on to her was just a bonus. The icing on the cake. She didn't ask for it. It just happened to be a useful perk. She tried so hard to believe that she wasn't just leading him on so she could get classified data. The fact that it was all a lie left a bitter taste in her mouth.
She grit her teeth. Not anymore.
Veda had been compromised. Everything had turned to shit. It didn't matter what information he had to offer anymore. It's bad enough my life is a secret, she thought. I won't let it be a lie.
The restaurant was dark and full of shadows. Usually she hoped that Billy wouldn't be able to see through her ruse in the dim light. Tonight, she hoped he wouldn't see her guilt.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Yes, fine." She smiled.
"I went ahead and ordered," he said. "I hope you don't mind." She didn't. She ordered the same thing every time, and he knew exactly what she liked.
That almost made it worse.
Their waitress showed up with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Once she had filled both glasses, Billy raised his.
"A toast."
"To what?" Sumeragi asked.
"We've known each other since college. How many people keep in touch this long after graduation?"
He's right, she thought to herself. I haven't really kept in touch with anybody else. And it's not because he keeps leaking top secret information. He only started doing that about a year ago. She smiled, trying to keep the sadness from her eyes. He really is a good friend.
"A toast, to the endurance of friendship," he said. Their glasses clinked against one another. Sumeragi finished half her glass before setting it back down on the table gingerly. She took a deep breath.
"Billy," she began. "There's something I need to tell you."
"If it's about who you work for, I've kind of suspected for a while now," he interrupted.
"You did?"
"Well, why else would you be so interested in my work? It's not normal small talk."
"Then... why did you keep seeing me? Why would you still tell me if you knew?"
Billy placed his hand over hers. Every. time. she thought. "I know you," he said. "And... I trust you. Whatever it is you're doing, I know you must have a good reason. Besides, I can keep some secrets. For all that I've told you, there's still plenty you don't know."
"And you're... okay with it?"
"Let's just say that if I wasn't, I wouldn't be here right now."
"Good," Sumeragi said. "Because that's not what I was really going to tell you. You're a good friend, Billy, and that's why I have to tell you. I'm really sorry for not telling you sooner. I'm a lesbian."
The waitress chose that moment to show up with their food.